


You can do a lot with a crossbow and some well placed anger issues

by Pygmypuffonacid



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Supernatural
Genre: Albus Dumbledore remembers Philip Evans, Alternate Universe, An old soldier as fought a few battles, Crack, Drama, Family, Goblins, Harry is mildly concerned his Great Uncle is a pirate, Pirates, Politics, Quidditch, Slow Burn, The Family Evans, a spy, or just really good friends with the Queen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:34:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24358138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pygmypuffonacid/pseuds/Pygmypuffonacid
Summary: The old man sniffed out his cigar as he stared out at the western sky. His niece had had called him last night with some Unsettling news, about Harry . The family as a whole might not care for the boy’s Eccentricities but he was still blood
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley/Harry Potter, Harry Potter/Daphne Greengrass, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Petunia Evans Dursley/Vernon Dursley
Comments: 20
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

The old man snuffed out his cigar as he stared out at the western sky. His niece had had called him last night with some Unsettling news, about Harry . The family as a whole might not care for the boy’s Eccentricities but he was still blood

Harry might be Cut from the same cloth as his mother with that strange magical ability of theirs but as the boy’s only living relations they had a duty to look after the boy to the best of their collective ability, just as his mother would had done if she was still breathing.

Philip himself might not think that magical abilities were entirely natural, on that he and His niece petunia agreed wholeheartedly. Just as they argeed the boy should be raised by family as was his birth right as an Evans of Surrey. But on one key point Philip and Petunia disagreed , Philip was of the opinion that there familial protection and duties extend to Harry’s schooling not just to the months the boy little in Little Whingeing.

And so Petunia and he had reached a deal. She would raise the boy until his school years and then Philip would assume Guardianship over his Peculiar great nephew until the boy’s majority. Philip had heard an Underlying sense of glee when Petunia has signed The transfer of custody papers that morning when she informed him the owl at the kitchen widow was intended for him.

A letter inform Philip his new charge had nearly died battling a Basilisk ,” A giant snake he had had to Google it.” But Harry was recovering quickly and there was no need for his to worry. This great nephew had nearly died and the woman had the gull to write him telling him not to worry and not to visit as the school term was nearly as an end.

Philip had practically growled and crushed the letter before phoning his schoolmate in the war office. To request a 713 level escort to the magical world ,”for family business “. Arthur hadn’t even questioned his motives , the man just told him it was about bloody time he took charge of the boy, they had by far too much paper work from there Magical counterparts with Harry Potter’s name in the file. Arthur helpFully informed him they had a room in the war archives dedicated to Harry’s school the misadventures, Or near death experiences at Philip would call them.

But the name of the files did not matter the end result was the same, Philip had an armed escort of British soldiers and an Advisory delegation of Aurors accompanying him to perform a welfare check on his great Nephew. And perhaps help him tear the headmaater and Deputy headmistress a new one if the boy’s condition was anything less then pristine. Philip was prepared to shot the man in the ass if his nephew even had a scratch from this latest incident.

The Hogwarts Administration were in for a rude awakening , as the Evans did not tolerate an unsafe environment for the Children in their family even if Petunia’s protections before he had taken over had been lack luster at best.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nancy Wake was a WW2 spy for the British She was known by code name as the white mouse. If you Google her she was involved in some very interesting historical events and she survived the war. She is one very interesting lady.

Three British military Humvees Rolled through the Scottish countryside, These vehicles were unique as they had glamour magic disabling wards and runes carved Into the bulletproof armament Of the vehicles these runes allowed Any in the vehicle to see past Magical Glamour spells and even On a few memorable occasion the veil between worlds Philip was still mildly disturbed by the Headless horseman of Edinburgh chasing the Humvee down a side street as they drove through the city proper Before heading north towards the Highlands. This escort was commanded by a young Captain James McGregor the young man was a graduate of Hogwarts Specially recruited after his graduation by her Majesty’s Royal Commandos The young captain Was an alumni of both Sandhurst and the Auror forces Assign to Buckingham palace.

The Captain got quite the kick of Phillip‘s old war stories from north Africa and the battle of the bulge. He was particularly proud of the story of his mate Edward Distracting a few German officers with the offer of tea And a false offer of surrender while Philip himself and the rest of their unit planted explosive on the Panzers. Before rescuing Edward and retreating to the woods to watch the fireworks. It was almost as good as the time he parachuted behind enemy lines Disguised as an old woman to Gain vital intelligence on German tank movements, a German sergeant with a granny complex had cornered him in the village market Just north of Orleans. The mad Nazi had Propositioned him instead of shooting him. 

Philip Still had the overwhelming urge To gargle Listerine Every time he thought about the Nazis tongue , But not wanting to be caught Philip had to think of England and be satisfied with pickpocketping the Nazi before kneeing the bastard in the balls and bolting for the closet Tannery That he knew how’s That he knew housed members the French resistancethe French resistance , He had had to hide in a truck full of pigs as they drove him through the The front countryside towards the British lines. When he delivered his report about the tank locations ,The white mouse had been in the room much to his consternation she had called him “ The Iron lips of England.”

For the last four decades Because of that incident ,Nancy was a dear friend but By God did she have a long memory. And a wicked sense of humor which he had appreciated for the Entirety of their acquaintance Unless it was aimed at him then it was more annoying but still all Nancy, She was one of the reasons he had been fond of Lily rven if the girl was a witch, She had Nancy‘s sense of humor and his temper It ran in the family along with the Evans Crimson hair and emerald eyes. That made their family very distinctive but made espionage a lot trickier. Or at least it had before he started being more gray than ginger.

But the past was the past no matter how amusing Harry’s welfare need to be his priority, as The Humvee motorcade begin to slow captain McGregor informed him they were entering the Village of Hogsmeade and it appeared to a Hogsmeade weekend for the students of Hogwarts ,The captain seem to smile as If remembering fond moments from his Hogwarts days As he informed Philip of his , but The old soldier Just said ,”oh I remember this place .” 

Making the Unit in the Humvee tense , as Philips tone Was not one of fond memories but One just shy of blood thirsty. Philip looked at the young soldiers before elaborating,” My Neice is... was Lily Evans but I suppose you would know her better as Lily Potter gentleman In case you have forgotten we are hear to investigate my nephew’s Welfare and the fact he had to battle a basilisk in his second year. And if you’re wondering why I know this place I had to Retrieve my nieces and her husband’s remains from that macabre monument The Minister had built Here in hogsMeade About 10 years ago after your magical government stole their bodies to put them on display instead of allowing the family to give them a proper decent burial in Godric’s hollow As James’ will requested. Not that any of that matters we’re here for my great nephew. You gentlemen are here to make sure Harry Potter comes home with me safely.”


	3. Chapter 3

The Humvee became silent again for a moment before a whisper of “ yes sir. “ Echoed through the automobile. Making Philip smile genuinely once again, No matter the decade a soldier was a soldier, an a good man was a good man. Captain McGregor looked at him for a moment before saying,” I remember that detail my brother was on it that was one of the reasons I joined her majesty’s special forces instead of just going to the Auror corps. We have regulations against keeping families from their deceased. Lily and James Were Three years above me and Hogwarts I remember the marauders and Lily as Head girl , General Evans . You have my word my man and I will do our utmost to ensure both your safety and Your great nephews safety. Sir, However I would advise unbuckling you seatbelt as we are About to pass through the gates of Hogwarts and the words don’t particularly like restraints particularly those in automobiles, Seatbelts have a nasty habit of turning into snakes boa constrictors precisely That Really like to strangle you, We’ve lost more than one man to those Snakes sir. I would prefer not to add you To that list sir , We will each be dealing with our own Boa constrictor sir When we pass the wards So remember aim for the eyes when you punch, That’s what those brass Knuckles I gave you are for. If the snake gets around your neck grab the tail and start to unwind that’s the safest course of action and guard your nose they like to bite. Sir.”

Philip nodded in acknowledgment of the captains statement an braced for impact And the impending snake attack as Lieutenant Johnson the captain’s second in command Begin the countdown, with “ 3....2....1... “ And Armageddon was unleashed . 

As the car swerved while the occupants of the vehicle Dealt with their serpent based problemThe Humvee nearly clipped the gates of Hogwarts making the ancient metal and stone sing in a Foreboding funeral dirge, A melody of gentle warning To the castle inhabitants that trouble was coming, an its name was Evans.


	4. Chapter 4

As the convoy Finally came to a stop Near the Black Lake The windows rolled down And a cascade of dismembered snakes and seatbelt remnants were ejected were ejected from every vehicle, Violent swearing and a few cries of “ Williams get this thing off of me!” ...Followed by a belated Moan of” Goddamnit that was my favorite nostril! Williams can you at least stop the bleeding my girlfriends going to kill me if I come back without a nose!”

This particular scene was witnessed only by a few slither in first years who are greatly Concerned about possible madman or Muggles that suddenly lacked nostrils. As if snake killing muggles in cars weren’t bad enough, The possibility of nose less Muggles As it would with any 11-year-olds Fboth fascinated them And Terrified them so much so That the first years scattered When the Humvee doors banged open With three squadrons Of SAS Soldiers and a unit of Aurorscame Pouring out of them. Making every resident of Hogwarts within 500 yards turn in their direction just in time to see the soldiers Forming a perimeter around the convoy and Philip . The officer doing a sweep of the area, Before a sharp remark interrupted their perimeter security. The source of the voice was of course the head of Gryffindor house, 

The deputy headmistress Minerva McGonagall, Her words were as old as time built upon by generations of school teachers before her Tone razor sharp,” Was all this really necessary Mr.Evans? You could’ve just Written me if you had an inquiry about Harry’s welfare.” Her tone was that of a school teacher used to scolding wayward boys, Almost patronizing until she got a better look at the men Surrounding him. As Minerva approached the group Captain McGregor stepped forward producing a paper copy of his orders. Minerva perused the documents With surprise, They were Formal orders from the magical branch of the war department, Requiring a full check of security and Student welfare At Hogwarts and with the magical community in hogsMeade, As there has been reports of A student battling a basilisk and petrified muggleborns. Minerva Looked at the young men before her quizzically Before inquiring,” James McGregor? You’re with the MSAS now? I thought Winston headed up any inspections Of magical Scotland?”

The captain Smiled , “ Under normal circumstances Winston would’ve handled this but this is not a normal inspection this is a welfare check not a security update,Requested by a student’s family. Through the official magical department in the war office, Different protocols are in place when dealing with child endangerment ma’am.”

Minerva looked at them in before her and sighed, “ Which students family requested a welfare check this late in the year? we’ve already had three from the students who were petrified. All parents have been updated daily with the situation and the mandrake root potion was administered this morning the situation has finally been resolved with all the young Muggleborns healthy and Unpetrified Without any lasting side effects after a full health check up by Poppy the school healer. So what is this particular welfare check pertaining to and which student?”

Her question actually made Philip Evans laugh As he answered ,” My nephew, Harry potter this welfare check is pertaining to his near death that you wrote me about just a day ago. Or as you put it deputy headmistress the boy would be fine after some intensive healing there was no need to visit. Where was my daily update it’s been almost 24 hours no one written me another letter nor has anyone given me any more information about my nephew even after you received notice that we were coming.”

Professor McGonagall At least have the decency to look mildly ashamed before answering the clearly a great At least have the decency to look mildly ashamed before answering the clearly Irate man,  
“ You are Harry’s uncle? I don’t recall him ever mentioning you and I know both Lily’s Parents have passed exactly what is your relation to Harry Potter, Mr. Evans?”

Philip Evans looked at the severe woman for a moment the way an old general looked at a newly in listed private wondering how the young soldier in question could be so incompetent and yet still get through basic it was with that same shock and regard he stared at Minerva McGonagall before smiling in the old time honored way of a man that was about to Make someone’s life very difficult. Philip pulled out more paperwork and offered it to her, It was a copy of his birth certificate the custody agreement Harry’s birth certificate some old family photos and Lillys last will and testament.

Phillips smile turned cold And almost violent as he watched her Look through the documents as her face grew ever paler. Before she said, “ Your Harry’s Guardian? General Evans? Albus never mentioned a change in custody for One of our students. My apologies I had to check, For safety reasons as with any student in addition to young Mr. Potter being who he is you never know who might be looking to take advantage or harm the young man.” Minerva handed Philip back his papers was shaking hands. Before saying” I’ll take you to the headmaster immediately.”

Philip interrupted her before she could start her next sentence,” No Madame, you will not I’m here to see my nephew and that is where you will take me.”

Minerva looked taken a back for a moment Before she nodded,” Of course do you want to see your child first. I’m sure albus will be more than happy to wait While you visit with Harry. He got out of the hospital wing just this morning. I’ll take you to the Gryffindor tower, It’s on the seventh floor.” 

Philip looked at Captain McGregor as they begin to follow the Hogwarts Deputy headmistress,The young captain looked troubled. Before he whispered,” So how many different protocols did she just Violate sir?” Philip Evans just smiled and kept walking. He had a nephew to find after all

The


	5. Chapter 5

Philip kept his face impassive as he walked through the halls of Hogwarts, the magical runes stitched into the jacked he wore dispelled the glamour and anti Muggle wards Around the building, Similar to the words on the Humvees. However, It was Captain McGregors magic that powered his jacket after the young Captain tapped his wand against the runes before they entered the building. Philip regarded aTranslucent figure in the entryway as they mounted the steps to the second floor. “ The bloody Baron , General. He is the ghost of Slytherin house been around since the Norman Conquest.” Sergeant Williams the squadron medic Informed him quietly. 

Philip smiled Slightly at the news before quickly Moving his right hand to place it over his heart ensuring his signet ring was in full view of the Apparition. It was an old sign of respect, and ancient Norman version of the modern salute. Phillips signet ring bore a crest Dating back to Before the battle of Hastings, it was the crest of the de Warenne family , Their ancestral name before Countess Isabella de Warrene married Sir James Evans And changed the family name , but not their coat of arms. 

The Bloody Baron Somehow manage to look so surprised and impassive at the same time Before floating closer to the group and addressing Philip,” I Had not thought I would see a Legitimate son of the de Warenne line again. This century With the death of your lines last daughter . Which son of The house do I have the pleasure of laying eyes on in such Precarious circumstance?”

Philip answered the ghost with the same respect the had received,” Philip Augustus de Warenne Evans, Earl of Surrey . I am the Warenne for this generation, But my niece Lily was not the last de Warenne To grace these halls Baron.Harry Potter is a student here is her son the youngest son of the de Warenne line . And one already Anointed on the field of battle from what has reached my ears. My great nephews blood was spilt to defend this very castle again a Basilisk. Would you happen to know anything about that Circumstances my lord Baron?”

Philip finished his statement with a nod of respect as the Bloody Barons Expression turned from almost friendly to Severe The translucent noble tone took on a slight chill ,” The Potter boy is a de Warenne of William’s line. Blood and Fire. Earl, I know a great many things about the boys deeds he is a credit to his lineage as was his mother, but the The basilisk is not the worst of the circumstances the boy has found himself in nor is it his first brush with death in battle in this castle’s defense. We ghosts were the first to find the boy in the Chamber of Secrets, with a Phoenix crying over him. He save a young girl a Miss Ginny Weasley from having the last of her life Siphoned out of her by a Monstrosity against nature. A fragment of such darkness you could not even call it part of a soul. Young Mr. Potter summoned the sword of Gryffindor and slew the grew snake and then turned the beasts own venom on the Monstrosity that was it’s master. The Young man Has an innate gift to sense an opponents of weakness In moments of great distress in battle. I see now that was William in him as he is in every warrior of the de Warenne line. The Potter boy and his friend a Mr. Weasley As well as Miss Weasley Were rescued some hours later by Severus’ search party, I would file a formal claim on the basilisks remains on the boys behalf if I were you the potion master has been eyeing the corpse for the last few days With the chamber still open your nephew might be cheated out of his rightful claim and war spoils. You will need to inform the board of governors of his right to the beast Before the week is out or his claim will expire. I’ve checked on the boy Potter periodically as have the other ghost , He healed well from rather grievous injuries normally basilisk venom bites are fatal but phoenix tears can heal almost anything. The potter boy was fortunate with that intervention. I wish you luck with your endeavors Earl of Surrey, son of de Warenne. It has been good to see Williams eyes again, You have the same Look as your ancestor that of a season commander. I wish you peace then and many victories in the future I have other matters to attend to know we spirits Must banish the last remnants Of that monstrosity that nearly killed your nephew from the castle grounds for it infects anything else. Good day to you Earl de Warenne.” With that the bloody baron Floated through the ceiling and left A perturbing silence in his wake.

It took Philip a moment to process the last of the ghosts statement Outside of the fact he had just had a conversation with a long dead man one that had clearly Road into battle with the first Earl of Surrey, Which in itself was unsettling to think about let alone the information he had just received from the Apparition with whom he had just paid his respects. Philip blinked before looking At the captain who muttered,” I’ve never heard him speak.” Making Philip grunt,” Make sure we include that in the report I’m going to have to ask Harry About any other incidents that might’ve happened this year or last if this isn’t his first near death experience at Hogwarts.”

The General Turned his gaze to Professor McGonagal who had watched the entire exchange. “Would you care to enlighten me as to what our ghostly friend meant, About the basilisk not being the first time Harry’s blood Was spilt In defense of this castle Madame. As Any reports on previous incidents seem to woefully lack any detail?”

Minerva simply nodded and began a rather lackluster explanation as they continued on their journey to Gryffindor tower but not before securely tying The staircases to the banisters on the landings, Philip and the Captain were not in the mood to Indulge The seemingly schizophrenic castle staircases as the marched towards his great nephews location.


	6. Chapter 6

Seamus Finnegan Thought he had seen some bizarre things since he started Hogwarts. Talking hats, pet rats, Dean’s infected big toe that leaked puss the Consistency of raspberry pudding Along with the normal spells and hijinks that came with sharing a common room With anyone called Weasley. The 12-year-old pyromaniac had to say the sight before him easily took the cake When it came to strange and currently inexplicable Events at Hogwarts And that was with the death threats and chicken blood on the walls of this past year. 

Seamus was currently hiding behind a suit of armor about 10 yards from the portrait of the fat lady Watching what appeared to be A Muggle infantry unit sweep the Corredor surround in Gryffindor tower with Professor McGonagall Animatedly with a big bloke With oak leaves on his shoulders Who had just lit a cigar In the Corredor. By Seasums’ Estimation it looked like Professor McGonagall looked like she was about to have an aneurysm . But what really surprised him was the man’s report which he could just barely make out,” I smoke when I’m stressed Deputy headmistress, As you should be well aware the information you’ve just given me is quite Concerning especially considering neither I nor my niece Harry’s previous guardian were notified About Harry being attacked by a possessed member of the Hogwarts faculty in his first year let alone the accusation that he might be trying to murder his classmates in some sort of blood based terror campaign, Which your assurances he was found completely innocent of the crimes after killing a basilisk And saving a little girl’s life. The same girl who was possessed herself this year and forced to perform those disturbing acts To terrorize the general population of your institution. So I’m not particularly concerned with your objection to my smoking in your school as you don’t particularly seem inclined to notify the families of your students with anything dangerous is in their proximity.” The man then took a deep drag of his cigar and blew the smoke out in McGonagall’s direction, Seamus wasn’t sure If he could think the man was a bastard or the bravest man in Britain.

Professor McGonagall just sighed and Told the old man to put it out if he wanted To enter Gryffindor tower she wouldn’t have him smoking around her students. The man just nodded and said, “ Fair enough.” Before finishing his cigar and snuffing out with his boot. Which another of the men in military uniform promptly vanished with a wand that surprised Seamus. He didn’t know wizards could be in the Muggle military, Wicked. As the Mysterious group made their way into Gryffindor tower Seamus Began to wonder, What kind of explosive did the Muggles get to use.

==============================================================

Captain McGregor felt eyes on them as they entered Gryffindor tower, As a few of his men climbed in behind professor McGonagall He look to his right catching sight Of a student hiding behind one of the decorative suits of armor the lad probably thought he was being inconspicuous, The boy appeared to be lost in thought As he tossed was looked like a Fredrickson flashbang in this right hand. The captain smiled he knew that look anywhere, He would have to make a formal inquiry as to the boy’s Identity once they found the generals nephew, James remembered sporting that same look when he first saw a group of MSAS officer at Hogwarts, It was always a good idea to inform students Of The wide variety Of career options A Hogwarts education made available to them even if his own profession was a bit more explosive then the standard Post Hogwarts profession. With that thought the a Captain climbed through The portrait hole for the first time in ten years. The site that greeted him was certainly memorable.

==============================================================

Philip Evans hauled himself through The oddly placed entrance to Gryffindor tower, Grumbling slightly about strange ancient wizards with a Peculiar sense of humor. As he entered the common room pure chaos was already unfolding around him, A couple of teenagers most likely 7th years Were levitating Arm chairs and tables menacingly in front of them with the student body clustered behind them on the stairs a jet of green light shot out Directly toward him barely missing his ear. He saw Sergeant Williams grunt as a stepstool collided with his shin rather forcefully. Philip nearly laugh when the Captain And a few of his other men Finally snapped out of the shock enough to conjure an Effective shield charm, It would seem Gryffindor house was better prepared for a surprise attack then expected finally some good news to put in the report. Philip Turned his gaze In Minervas direction quietly gesturing at their Unexpected assailants as if to say do you want to handle this or shall I? 

The professor seemed annoyed by his silent question and finally called her students out of their offensive it’s Took a few moments for the students to lay down their arms and reposition there momentarily lethal furnishings but thankfully the professor was competent enough To Descalate The minor confrontation the first year girl With bushy Brown hair That had attacked Williams with a stepstool actually mumbled a apology along with a few others a set of ginger haired twins actually approached Philip himself to offer a half hearted “Sorry!”... For trying to stupefy him. So that was what the green light was, Nothing lethal thankfully. Philip himself just grunted an acceptance, Before inquiring to the twins , If they knew his nephew Harry. And if they really wanted to make amends if they wouldn’t mind retrieving him for them.

The twin Typhoons of trouble happily scampered off of the stairs to perform his request But Philip caught a whisper of there conversation,” Harry’s got an Uncle that isn’t a muggle, Gred Do you know why he was wearing all that polished brass? .... Haven’t the foggiest Forge. “


	7. Chapter 7

Harry groaned an Launched himself onto his bed, as Ron and Dean asked him yet another question about his battle with the Basilisk, Ron had just finish informing everyone in their dorm including Hermione about his role in this years Daring adventure and near catastrophe, now it was Harry’s turn According to his dormmates Mercifully Hermione had claimed she needed to pack for the train But she had whispered to him as she departed that he could tell her everything on the train. But as was tradition Ron Missed not-so-subtle hint From Hermione To leave Harry be so he was Left to his own devices to deal with his information hungry best friend. Note that Ron Didn’t already know more than half the story as he had been there for most of it besides the Lord Voldemort bits. As Harry re-opened his eyes ready to face his pestering Friends The twins burst in crying “ Harrykins! You’ve got the MSAS after you ! They’ve got the tower surrounded. We tried to taken them on but McGonagall called off the Gryffindor forces. The shiniest one that seems to be in charge asked us to retrieve you, Harrykins? How did you manage to piss off the The British army Potter Were in the hospital wing for almost a week!”

Harry didn’t even get a moment to process the twins speech, Outside of the military looking for him before the twin Seized an arm each An started hauling him towards the stares, They were halfway down the spiral staircase before Neville and Ron Were running after them Shouting Questions and clearly intending to liberate Harry from Ron’s Brothers grasp.But Ron didn’t reach him until they were at the bottom of the stairs and Harry was finally released to blink owlishly at the sight before him Which was clearly a hallucination Hermione stood in the center of the common room loudly interrogating his great uncle Philip in his dress blues. While the rest of the student body of Gryffindor house was being herded out the portrait hole by soldiers and Professor McGonagall. 

Hermione was hurling questions a mile a minute, with his uncle Dutifully keeping Up, with her interrogation, Harry didn’t register the subject matter of Hermione’s tirade For a few more seconds before he realized she was ascertaining what they wanted with him Hermione as always was looking after their safety. Harry looked at his great uncle the man was starting to look a Little flustered which was quite frankly remarkable. Harry Called out to his friend Hoping to distract her As he didn’t know what would happen to the time space continuum in Uncle Philip Appeared anything less a composed commander , Harry quite like the Sofa his great uncle was standing next to he would rather not see it being sucked into a black hole as a time paradox opened up If his great uncle was met with a question he could not answer. And if anyone could produce such and likely scenario it would be his best friend Hermione Granger. 

Harry with a Mild look of concern Walked over and straight into the most unlikely scenario he had ever encountered in his life his great uncle the Muggle general talking to his best friend in Gryffindor tower. Harry Glanced at the sofa just to ensure it hadn’t been swallowed up or spontaneously burst into flames by its sheer your proximity To this miraculous and strange event. Harry just Swallowed his mouth suddenly dry as he made eye contact with his uncle and managed to croak out, “ Hello Uncle Philip ,I can honestly say this is quite an unexpected surprise.” 

But What would happen next Utterly shook Harry’s world back to its foundations, his terrifying, Stoic Great Uncle grinned at him and said ...warmly, “ So I hear you’ve been slaying dragons nephew On behalf of Great Britain.”

Harry Extremely confused and lost in shock at the sight Of a family member actually smiling at him Without mentally registering it corrected his great uncle the general. “ Actually it was a basilisk, No fire but the Venom burns like the Dickens.”

Harry pinched himself just to make sure the Basilisk and Voldemort hadn’t actually killed him when he heard the responding laugh Emitted by his great uncle. The old man actually chuckled in public at something Harry said. Harry thought back to his breakfast wondering if Malfoy had managed to slip Something into his pumpkin juice. But this hallucination was remarkably realistic with Hermione staring pointedly at him expectantly. Harry Only after Hermione actually kicked him in the shin did he speak again, “ Ouch! Right ‘Mione, Sorry! Uncle Philip How did you get here?”

Harry’s question just made the general grin wider, the old mans answer Was just as cryptic as his presence in Gryffindor tower,” That’s quite a long story nephew I’ll tell you what why don’t you tell me about your latest misadventure and I’ll tell you how I came to be here at This magical institution, Before we exchange stories you should know I’ve come to take you home , to Claremont house, petunia finally signed the papers, How did you put the last time I saw you, You’re my problem now nephew. Magic and everything.” 

Philip actually looked quite happy about this development as harry felt nothing but Rising panic, At yet another unknown, He knew how to handle the Dursleys his great uncle was just and occasional visitor that brought interesting presents for him and Dudley every Christmas. With little to no mental awareness Harry shuffled over to the sofa and sat heavily he only half registered Hermione saying,” Of course I’ll be happy to come visit , I’ve read about the gardens at Claremont house, There really historically significant. Harry Ignored everything else just to devote the rest of his brain power to the amazing thought he would never have to go back.


	8. Chapter 8

With Harry lost in his Mental battle to come to terms with his new reality, Hermione , Ron, And remarkably Neville reverted to the age old method of any 12-year-old confronted with a situation they didn’t quite know how to handle, They of course implemented the Poke it with a stick method, though the stick in this situation to be a candle stick One of the twins had summoned. When Harry collapsed on the sofa some 10 minutes prior the uniformed man now confirm to be his great uncle had grown concerned and attempted to get his nephews attention and failed repeatedly so the old soldier let Harry’s friends have a crack at Bringing him back to reality. So far the time honored poke it with a stick method was failing horribly so the young Gryffindors us collectively Agreed to resort to Plan B, Aquamenti, The general realizing what the children intended to do attempt a half heartedly To intervene but was just a moment too slow in speaking. His objection was interrupted by Harry now back in the land of the living sputtering and swearing, at Ron and Neville as the water jet soaked his robes. Harry realizing he was drenched and surrounded by at least a dozen Concerned people a few of his friends and quite a few soldiers the young Potter muttered, “ Did you at least try getting my attention a different way first.” 

Ron just nodded Solemnly, “ The stick method failed as usual.”

Harry just sighed,” Maybe we should just buy a whistle.At this point.”

Hermione Happy Harry was responsive once again said,” you know Whistles don’t work we borrowed ma’am hooch’s Last time this happened all it did was attract every cat in the castle, I am not reliving that I was dreaming of conjuring fish for weeks after the whistle incident we really just need to figure out how to get you to process good News without drift into the Abyss Harry. I still think A cowbell is the next step we need. “

Harry just grumbled,” Maybe ‘Mione, But There were those rumors about cowbells summoning demons last year, And Arthur Fieldkin Disappeared into the library for three weeks and came back with a cowbell and a pentagram carved into His cheek, Madame Pince Banned bells of any kind in the library because of it. We really done need to Accidentally sell my soul to Casper the not so friendly ghost If you can’t get my attention so I think I have to veto any cowbells based options, Hermione. “ Harry sighed in Resignation, and Ron clapped him on the back In a show of solidarity And said almost reassuringly,” At least we know waterworks this time around.”

Behind the circle of friends Philip Evans Was busy writing this particular bit of information down, Fully intending to find his nephew a therapist once they got back on familiar ground. Philip finished his note and Placed the memo in his pocket before coughing to get the children’s attention. 

He smiled at his great nephew, A look that was meant to be reassuring before Posing a question To the group,” Now that you’re back among the living nephew, Perhaps you would care to enlighten me as to the Identities of you’re clearly inventive and caring friends.”

Harry managed a round of mostly coherent Introductions with a brief interruption for Hermione to cast a drying spell on him, a Spell Both Harry and the sofa were grateful to her for. The suddenly sentient speaking sofa Was a phenomenon that actually made the general blink, Prompting Harry to snicker before Elaborating on the Peculiar furnishing.

Needless to say his uncle Phillips notebook now contained A A footnote about researching Magical furnishings for the war effort. 

With that out of the way Harry began to enlighten his new guardian About his adventures from the last two years, With Hermione helpfully elbowing him in the ribs Every time he omitted a detail she deemed relevant such as Ron’s near bludgeoning via Life-size chess pieces, or Harry Encounter with a particularly interesting mirror of Desires . But by the time Harry got to the part about Norbert, his great uncle had a smile That was disturbingly sinister Especially when the old man started calling for Captain McGregor and McGonagall. 

Harry’s scar began to itch as it always did when he Sensed an impending murder. He looked over his shoulder to Neville Instantly reassured as his friend waved a bag at him, good at least they had enough snacks for this. Harry freed a Chocolate frog as Professor McGonagle and surprisingly the headmaster reentered the tower with the captain trailing behind them, the young Potter Nearly broke out into a grin as they got closer to him great Uncle. This guardian. Harry actually contemplated diving behind the sofa but remain seated on the furnishings to not miss out on the action. 

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Hagrid busy out on the grounds restocking the chicken coop with fresh inhabitants, Heard a resounding crack as he finished his work. Quietly wondering to himself How a backfiring car could be present on Hogwarts grounds. 

The Anguished cry and shouts for a “ Medic!” Coming from the castle did little to alleviate his confusion, And as any good game keeper would Hagrid went To check on the animals under his care to make sure the noise hadn’t bothered them.

While inside the school, Auror were discovering the didn’t have Jurisdiction when it came to Unexpected duels between a muggle and a Wizard, at least not in A situation wear firearms Were used. 

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And somewhere in central London Alister Moody was shouting at the heavens About constant vigilance and the loss of ones favorite buttock.


	9. Chapter 9

Rubber bullets.

Harry blinked as the chaos Unfurled around him, Uncle Philip had shot Professor Dumbledore in the ass with a rubber bullet, Harry mumbled to Neville tokick him just to be sure it was real.

“Bloody hell Nev! I was kidding. “ He exclaimed as a sharp pain shot through the back of his leg, Harry shot a glare at the Longbottom heir As he mentally thanked the sofa For fully supporting his weight so he didn’t have to hop on one leg while watching They rather unique proceedings.

The Aurors were attempting to arrest this Great uncle and Dumbledore for an unauthorized duel between a wizard and a muggle. Though as Hermione was helpfully whispering To their circle of spectators and friends she was certain Dumbledore’s arrest was more for him clearly losing the Altercation rather than any legal Violation,The Auror Corps Had a well-known track record of making arrests on principle and then not being able to make them stick later. It was a useful bit of information harry mentally filed away for later as he watched Captain McGregor and his men surround his uncle and form a barrier between Harry his uncle his friends and the rest of the occupants other room and the Aurors , A standoff quickly ensued Harry was grateful for the quick thinking of the MSAS Members as a stray Green jet of light struck the perimeter shield charm they had conjured to protect his great uncle himself and all the innocent bystanders While their captain and lieutenant dealt with the Aurors And attempted to Descalate and resolve The unique situation.

Captain McGregor finally managed to put a stop to the spell slinging, When he successfully conjured a binding rope curse On the lead Auror After a rapid spell combination which resulted in Hermione’s favorite study table turning into an ox. And then promptly being petrified before the newly turned creature could do any damage

His great uncle looked strangely calm during this entire incident but it was Mildly disturbing uncle Philip was smiling As the noise and the action died down a bit Harry heard great uncle speak Just loud enough for everyone to hear but not enough to carry past the stairs, “ The projectiles are made of rubber non-lethal rounds only We are in a school full of children for heaven sake I’m not a bloody psychopath Dumbledore arse Will be bruised to hell and back but he’ll live , There was no attempted murder in this situation not that you fine gentlemen have any jurisdiction when it comes to circumstances involving Muggle fire arms , I would advise you to consult your handbook if you think otherwise. “ Uncle Philip turned his head before continuing to speak this time addressing the headmaster only,” Albus will you get up, I saw your deputy casting healing spells on you while the children squabbled. You’re fine physically and you know damn well why I shot you, first Vanessa and Nancy,Then my niece and her husband and now this insanity with Harry. Your actions during the great war and my war Earned You a stay of execution From my wrath Dumbledore, But by God I’m not letting you get any more of my family killed you vexatious old man. You know damn well who I am Albus. And you know exactly how you met me the white mouse is a mutual friend, And she told me what happened to Alfred the last time you saw him in addition to your in action resulting in my nephew nearly dying by the fangs of a basilisk. You’re lucky I don’t demand your head from Lizzie and Maggie they’d probably let me have it At this point my years of service might just drive all yours, Albus. You know exactly what the name Evans means at palace, And with the legions. So consider this little skirmish a First and final warning , wizard. My family is off-limits, My great nephews life is not on the board this nonsense stops now or I can find him another equally prestigious institution I have some old friends in France whose granddaughter Attends a rather lovely magical academy there I hear they have ice sculptures that dance, I’m sure of my nephew would like it. There are plenty of options when it comes to his magical education, And ashis guardian I decide if he stays here.”

Harry continue to watch as his great uncle turned his head sharply towards him and looked him dead in the eye before giving a subtle nod a silent,” Don’t start protesting now kiddo we will talk about this later, Just let me make my point.” Harry reluctantly stayed silent But continued watching intently but not before whispering to Hermione Ron and Neville, So only they could hear, “ I think my uncles bluffing, But then it’s been nothing but madness for the last hour pass the Every flavor beans Ron. We can worry about the details later.”

The group continued to observe as Captain McGregor begin a heated debate with one of the Aurors Freshly freed from his binding ropes as they poured over a small rather thick volume entitled the Auror Field guide of Muggle and magical conflict regulations and ordinances.

This might take a little bit of time, They all thought as they continue to snack and watch the adults hand jive.


End file.
